Saying Yes Isn’t the Point: What Year of Yes Teaches Us About Choice, Alignment, and Power

In Year of Yes, Rhimes describes how fear—not lack of opportunity—was shaping her choices.

But avoidance doesn’t look the same for everyone.

For some women, avoidance looks like:

• staying quiet when your voice matters

• declining opportunities because visibility feels risky
  

For others, avoidance looks like:

• staying busy to avoid deeper questions

• overcommitting to avoid disappointing others

• saying yes so often that there is no room left for discernment
  

The work is not about forcing courage.

It’s about understanding what is driving your choices—and whether those choices are aligned with your values or shaped by expectation.

Alignment Matters More Than Boldness

Courage without alignment can quietly become self-betrayal.

Many professional Black women don’t need to be braver.
They need to be clearer.

Clear about:

• the season they are in now

• what their energy and nervous system can realistically hold

• what kind of yes supports sustainability rather than strain
  

A values-based yes feels different in the body than a fear-based one.
So does a no rooted in self-trust instead of obligation.

Choosing With Discernment Is the Real Work

What reading Year of Yes again reminded me—especially in conversation with other women—is that the deeper work is not about saying yes or no.

It’s about learning how to choose.

Choosing with awareness.
Choosing with context.
Choosing with respect for your energy, values, and current capacity.

That kind of discernment doesn’t come from bold declarations or rigid rules. It comes from slowing down long enough to notice what actually supports you—and what quietly depletes you.

Over time, this kind of choosing builds a life that feels less reactive and more intentional. Not because it is perfect, but because it is aligned.

A Reflection to Sit With

As you think about your own “year of yes,” consider this:

• What kinds of yes have defined your life so far?

• Which yeses have supported your growth—and which have drained you?

• What would it mean to say yes from alignment rather than expectation?
  

There is no universal answer.
Only an honest one.

And that honesty is where meaningful change begins.

A Gentle Next Step

If this reflection stirred something for you, journaling can be a powerful way to slow the moment down and listen more closely.

The 31 Journal Prompts to Create Your Desired Life were created to help you explore questions like these—at your own pace, without pressure to perform or decide everything at once.

You do not need a dramatic declaration.
Sometimes clarity arrives quietly.